“The Modern Hiawatha” (Anonymous Parody of Longfellow)
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“The Modern Hiawatha” (Anonymous Parody of Longfellow)

When he killed the Mudjokivis,
Of the skin he made him mittens,
Made them with the skin side outside,
He, to get the warm side inside,
Put the inside skin side outside;
He, to get the cold side outside,
Put the warm side fur side inside,
That’s why he put the fur side inside,
Why he put the skin side outside,
Why he turned them inside outside.

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Matthew Arnold Threatens an Illiterate Child
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Matthew Arnold Threatens an Illiterate Child

“It surprises me very much that a little girl of six should not know how to read, and expects to be read to. It is disgraceful, and you must promise me to learn at once; if you don’t, I shall have to put your father and mother in prison.”

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Mumpsimus
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Mumpsimus

“I will not change my old mumpsimus for your new sumpsimus.”

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Tiptoes Trailer
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Tiptoes Trailer

Preposterous preview of 2003 movie starring Matthew McConaughey, Kate Beckinsale and—”in the role of a lifetime”—Gary Oldman as a dwarf.

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Thomas Carlyle: “An Actual Authentic Ghost”
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Thomas Carlyle: “An Actual Authentic Ghost”

“Are we not Spirits, that are shaped into a body, into an Appearance; and that fade away again into air, and Invisibility? This is no metaphor, it is a simple scientific fact: we start out of Nothingness, take figure, and are Apparitions; round us, as round the veriest spectre, is Eternity; and to Eternity minutes are as years and æons…Ghosts! There are nigh a thousand million walking the Earth openly at noontide; some half-hundred have vanished from it, some half-hundred have arisen in it, ere thy watch ticks once.”

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